✨ Why Reward Systems Don’t Work for Children with PDA ✨

If you’re parenting or supporting a child with PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), you’ve probably discovered that traditional reward charts and sticker systems… just don’t work.

And it’s not because your child is “not trying” — it’s because their brain works differently.

Here’s why reward systems fail for PDA children:

•  Rewards feel like pressure

• Even when the reward is something they want, the expectation behind it can trigger anxiety — making the task feel impossible.

•  They don’t choose the goal

• PDA children thrive when they feel autonomy. If the reward is tied to an adult-chosen task, it can feel controlling rather than motivating.

•  Anxiety blocks access to skills

It’s not defiance.

 Rewards don’t address the real need

PDA behaviours are rooted in anxiety, sensory overload, and a need for control — not in a lack of incentive.

 They can feel shame when they “fail”

Reward systems often highlight the moments they couldn’t do the thing rather than celebrating who they are.

 What does work?

•  Low-demand approaches

•  Offering choices instead of instructions

•  Collaboration rather than compliance

•  Humour, connection, and flexibility

•  Co-regulation before expectation

When children with PDA feel safe, understood, and in control, they blossom — without the pressure of reward charts.